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May,
2004 Welcome
to Leadership Hand™, a monthly e-newsletter To ensure receipt, please add our e-mail address "Info@" plus our domain name to your e-mail address book. 1. Yellow Jackets: The Sting of Anger We were walking atop rough, thick poles, the kind used as telephone poles, turned into low fencing. They demarcated a run, a shallow stream about 3 feet across unless we'd had rainstorms or snow melt, making its way to the Chesapeake Bay. Jane almost skipped along ahead of me--her rock climber's balance obvious. I paused at a beautiful red flower. A second later, I felt a sharp pain in my leg and then several more that increased in intensity. Yellow jackets! I jumped down, ran and stopped. We were looking at the swelling red spots on my legs and laughing (at a safe distance of course) from the now swarming nest. Jane had unknowingly walked over their nest, stirring them--only she moved on. Who was in the wrong spot at the wrong time? Me! The sting of anger or seeming irrational behavior in the workplace can be just like that. Someone else stirred the nest and yet, you get stung. Sometimes you can see the cause which then puts it all in context. You might not agree but you at least understand. Sometimes--often--you can't see the cause. As an executive coach, I hear the other side of the story that colleagues and staff may never hear. I hear about the challenge of trying to change a culture or the pain of being in one that no longer fits; the frustration of trying to look out for employees' best interests when there is pressure to down-size; or the fear of seeming vulnerable or weak when you are the one in charge. If you don't have the whole story (and we rarely do) what can you do when someone's behavior seems inappropriate or disproportionate to the context? Try asking this fabulous question found in the book Crucial Conversations by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler: "Why
would a reasonable, rational person Ask it with
sincerity and with a respectful curiosity. (If you need to, go make
sarcastic remarks to blow off steam. If you are leading a team,
you may want to let them do the same thing assuming the person or
group is external to the team. Then come back to a place of inquiry
and respect.) This question invites an opening to a new frame of
reference--a sort of reverse engineering that moves backward and
outward from the immediate situation. It helps flesh out the hidden
context. You may surprise yourself with what you can surmise. If
and when it is appropriate, test those assumptions by asking the
person for more information. Be worthy of their trust if they choose
to extend it and do not make this a sneaky way of initiating a conversation
so you can point out what an incompetent jerk you think they have
been. That means inquiring and 'listening to understand.' It means
coming to
a
shared
understanding which will be a new one
for both of you Here's to new understandings! Beth Hand © Copyright 2007, Beth Hand. Beth Hand, MBA helps leaders increase their effectiveness and satisfaction, now and for the future. She can be reached at (+1) 703.820.8074 or via her website www.leadershiphand.com. 2. Boeing 747 Analogy Credit for the powerful analogy of the 20 Boeing 747s crashing daily representing the number of deaths daily to AIDS (Leadership Hand, April, 2004) is due Randall Tobias. Mr. Tobias is the former chairman and CEO of Eli Lilly chosen by President Bush to serve as the Global AIDS Coordinator with the rank of Ambassador. 3. Executive Networking for Career Transition Hand Associates
in alliance with DBM (formerly Drake Beam Morin), a global provider
of strategic HR solutions, hosts ExecuNet's meetings for executives
in career transition. Come meet other executives from diverse industries,
share tips and contacts to speed the transition process. If you
are living in or traveling to Richmond, Virginia, check our web
site for details www.leadershiphand.com/resources.
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© Copyright 2004, Hand Associates and Beth Hand • All Rights Reserved Hand
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